So Many Thoughts... Post Two

Lately, I've realized that I wish there were a book that could tell me my emotions throughout this pregnancy, a pregnancy after a late loss, are normal emotions. There's such a roller coaster of emotions with any pregnancy, but I'm fairly confident that the emotions after a loss like ours are not entirely what you'd expect from most normal, routine pregnancies. Despite the fact that this pregnancy has been completely ordinary (praise God! I'm pretty sure this is the only time I want my child to fall completely within the category of 'normal'!), my emotional swings have been even more unpredictable than they were last time (just ask M).

Given that there really isn't a 'right' way to grieve the loss of a pregnancy or child, it seems that it would follow that there's no 'right' way to experience pregnancy after such a loss, but it would be nice to read that in a book. I've been rolling the idea around in my head of someday working on such a book. This book would include my own stories and those of others who have traveled the road of pregnancy after loss. It would be a book about hope. It would be a book that helps other moms know that the ups and downs they experience are normal, that there will be times when anxiety will be overwhelming and times when you feel complete elation that you have been blessed to carry another child. It would give each mom permission to experience the journey in her own way, to call her doctor for every twinge, to encourage her on the journey by sharing our own stories of what to expect when you are expecting after a loss.

This is on my list for someday, but as I'm still on the journey and want to be sure I have plenty of time with my son after he arrives, it will stay on the someday list for a while. I have a story to share, and I know there are others who have or will have stories to share. These stories need to be told so that others will not feel so alone. Pregnancy after loss is a long, long road, but I think there are things we can offer to each other when we've traveled this road that can make the journey easier for others. Someday, I'd like to have the chance to try.