So Many Thoughts... Post Three

If each of today's three posts had its own title the first would be called "That Time Again," the second would be called "Someday," and this last one would be called "Sometimes." Hopefully somewhere in one of the three you've found something worth reading!

Sometimes, as we get closer every day to welcoming Baby Graber, I start thinking about doing all the little things with him that I didn't get to do with Faith and I just want to cry. The tears are both happy and sad. They are tears for what I didn't get to do with my first baby, things I wanted to do, things I didn't know I wanted to do, things my heart still longs to do. They are tears of joy because I will get to do these things and more with my son.

Yesterday we were at the hospital to preregister for delivery. There are an abundance of things to sign, choices to make, things they need to tell you about hospital policy and security and what to expect when you take your baby home. I have been warned about "purple crying" and told that it's okay to make sure your baby is safe then walk away until you are calm enough to go back to him. I've realized that even being angry and annoyed and frustrated enough to need to walk away is something that I am looking forward to because it means he's here.

I am looking forward to changing stinky diapers and complaining about explosive messes and telling everyone who touches him to "wash your hands." I am looking forward midnight feedings and snuggling on the couch and being able to stare into each others eyes and knowing that we see one another. I'm already planning in my head what he'll wear to meet this person or that person, how we'll introduce him to his family, even how we'll introduce him to Simon and Lilly. Sometimes when I think about these things, good and bad, messy and exciting, I just want to cry both for what should have been and for what will be. And, in the midst of these tears is the never ending impatience for labor to begin, the longing for these last days or weeks to go by quickly, so we can take that first family picture and share this new little person with the world!