Rising Anxiety and Ultrasound

There are several posts in my drafts folder right now that I've started but been unable to finish over the last month since my last post. My anxiety level has steadily risen and I haven't been able to find the words to properly express why or how it feels or anything that felt remotely genuine and honest. I don't usually find myself at a loss for words, but I haven't been able to fully formulate my thoughts leading up to today.

Two weeks ago we set the date for our 18-20 week scan. The nurse practitioner at my doctor's office recommended that we aim for an early ultrasound in hopes that a normal scan would set everyone's mind at ease. Over the last two weeks, I've found myself mentally preparing to go to this appointment and hear that again there was no heartbeat. There's no way to fully prepare oneself for that kind of news, but after last time, I didn't want to be shocked if anything abnormal turned up today. It did not. We are expecting a normal, healthy baby boy.

I realized in the shower this morning that the last time I was so nervous about anything was nearly seven years ago when I went skydiving with my father and brother. After finding out at our 18-20 week ultrasound with Faith that we had lost her, walking into the waiting room, sitting on the table preparing for the ultrasound, all of it felt like the anticipation of stepping out into the unknown and trying to prepare for a free fall. I have to admit I was grateful for my very full bladder. I'm sure that my anxiety would have been much higher sitting in the waiting room this morning if I hadn't needed to have a very full bladder!

Just to put my mind a little more at ease (and maybe yours as well), the images we saw this morning helped to eliminate a vast number of potential birth defects and conditions that I could have been and likely have been worried about for the last number of weeks. Baby Graber currently weighs around 9 ounces and is growing exactly as he should be. His vital organs are developing well and his heart rate is right on track. He stayed still long enough for us to get the images we needed and then started wiggling like crazy again. What an amazing blessing! Although today feels like a huge milestone, I still have some nagging anxieties in the back of my mind, and prayers for continued positive reports on Baby Graber's growth and development as well as peace for Mommy and Daddy would be very much appreciated.

For your viewing pleasure, a slightly off-center look at Baby Graber's profile.