Monday, November 12, 2012

One Year

In two days it will be one year since my first post on this blog. In many ways it feels like yesterday that we lost our baby girl, but in other ways it feels like a lifetime has passed. As I write this post, my son is sleeping on my chest. I'm not sure I could have imagined one year ago where I would be today. There are no words to describe my gratitude for the blessings that have come this past year. There are also no words to describe the tears and grief of this past year. My God is the God of both blessings and tears. My God has placed wonderful people in my life including my husband and my son and has used them to bless me with joy. My God has counted and saved my tears and has walked with me my through the darkness of grief and loss.

One year ago I posted the story of my blog's name. I had no idea how prophetic the song "No Matter What Goes Right" would be for this last year. M and I experienced what has undoubtedly been one of the most trying times we've encountered in the six years we've know each other. As the song says, "when couples fight their troubles it unites their hearts." Our hearts have been united through shared loss. But just as the song promises, our hearts have also been and continue to be united through shared joy. Both of our children have bonded us together in unique ways. "No Matter What Goes Right" has become a promise for me over the last months, a love song that rings true in my heart in many ways.

As much as I love my husband, the words "no matter what goes right" have also become my promise to myself, to my God, and now, to my son. I will hold the lessons I have learned in my grief dear to my heart. I will allow them to mold me into a better version of me. I will use them to minister to others who are experiencing loss. I will strive to live in gratitude in all situations but especially no matter what goes right.

I post the song again as a reminder to myself of where I've been, how far I've come, and that no matter what goes right, love will always surround me. Please excuse the quality of the video.