Still having to explain...

I had a dentist appointment today. I've been pondering this appointment for a week or so. The last time I was at the dentist was the beginning of October, and I joyfully explained that I would prefer not to have my teeth x-rayed because I was four months pregnant. The entire time I was there the hygienist wanted to talk to me about how excited I was and tell me all about her grandkids.

Since I generally have pretty good teeth (or beautiful, clean teeth as they tell me at the dentist. Do they say that to everyone?), I haven't been back to the dentist. I have been preparing myself to once again, five months after losing my daughter, explain that my baby didn't arrive as expected in February. Not only did we lose our baby, but I still can't have x-rays because I'm pregnant again. I realize that this is a good thing, but it ended up leading to a rather unusual appointment.

My regular hygienist was out today. She cut her thumb and was having it treated for a bad infection. The hygienist I saw today I've never seen before. She was in her late forties and very nice. When I explained about our loss, she ended up telling me her stories of baby loss. She and her husband have one daughter, an eight year old, and have had several miscarriages because she was forty when they started trying. After her daughter was born, she lost four more babies, fraternal twins and then conjoined twins, all in the first trimester. It's amazing how free people feel to share when they know you'll understand their loss. She hardly had any work to do on my teeth, but I was still there for quite a while.

Some days I can share my story and talk about Faith without crying, but the new pregnancy hormones have definitely added to my need to cry. I am happy to say that I not only made it through my appointment without crying, I also managed to keep my gag reflex in check despite feeling quite nauseous the whole time! I haven't, however, figured out how to control my mood very well. Mood swings were not a huge part of my first pregnancy, but apparently they're part of this one. I'm sure it has a lot to do with emotions that were already closer to the surface before I got pregnant, trying to manage my anxiety, and, of course, crazy hormones! I am so grateful for this baby and this pregnancy, but I do understand why doctors say that couples may not be emotionally ready to deal with a second pregnancy this close to a late pregnancy loss. Morning sickness, anxiety, hormones, oh my!