This story needs to start back a couple of years, so if you know me and my family well, please bear with me while I rehash some history. Two and a half years ago, my parents moved from Kansas, where they had lived for three and a half years, to Baltimore, Maryland. My father had accepted a pastorate in Baltimore, so they relocated. My mother has been an elementary school teacher for most of my life, and when she left Kansas we had no idea that it would be such a struggle for her to find a teaching job in Maryland. She has been without work for the entire time they've been in Maryland, and it has been a difficult journey for our whole family of watching her fill out application after application and attend interview after interview only to find out that every school and every district has decided to hire someone else.
The week of our wedding anniversary (and since we got married on my mom's birthday, the week of her birthday as well!) my mom was in conversations with two schools. Over the course of the week, she had three interviews and one teaching demonstration with second graders. It was a full week, and after the past two years, we were all hoping very cautiously that she might finally get a job. Not only did she get a job, but both schools ended up offering her positions and she was able to choose the one she wanted!! It was one of those moments where you can clearly see God's sense of humor at work. I have to give a lot of credit to my father and my brother for helping her through this process, but especially to my brother who quizzed her on interview questions and spent much of his free time driving her to interviews over the last few months to keep her calm going into each interview! I also have to offer a huge "Thank you!!" to all of the folks who have been praying so hard for this to finally happen. It's amazing to me that prayers were coming from all over the country, and it truly made a difference!
A huge weight was lifted for all of us, but I think for me there was also a huge realization that I have become unable to simply accept the blessings that come without waiting for something bad to happen. I couldn't fully experience gratitude because I was waiting for some unknown (but much to be feared) event to pull me back to a negative place. For my gratitude to be genuine, I needed to be able to let go of my fears and simply appreciate the blessing in front of me. I discovered that it's possible to be grateful without experiencing gratitude. It's a question of degrees. I don't want to just be grateful for my life. I want to live a life of gratitude, of gratefulness in all things and all circumstances, of trust that my life will be blessed and that God wants the best for me.
So here are a few of the things for which I am grateful that are helping me relearn gratitude and trust in my blessings:
- Air conditioning! It's summer in Kansas, and I'm carrying a personal heater in my belly. We've been fortunate enough to have a couple cooler evenings recently, but I'm still hot. If you really want to help me relearn my gratitude even faster, feel free to pray for rain and an early fall. As long as winter waits to get here until after we need to make a run to the hospital for labor and delivery, I'd even be grateful for a very snowy, cold winter!
- The snowball effect. My mom's new job hasn't officially started yet (she has her first day of new teacher type stuff tomorrow!), but I can already see the abundance of blessings that are coming her way because she has a job. I am grateful for better health insurance and the added security that my mom's income brings to my parents. I am grateful for a meaningful way for my mom to spend her days. She's always been a better mom because she has worked and because she enjoys her work. I'm sure she'll be a better grandmother because she's fulfilled in this area of her life.
- I know this may sound really silly, but I'm grateful for ice! My father-in-law and M hooked up the ice maker that came with our refrigerator when we purchased it. I can't tell you how nice it is to be able to fill my cup with icy water on hot days! But, I guess what I'm most grateful for (and of which the ice maker is an example) is having such a great support system that are willing to help us get prepared for our son. Friends and family that are supplying all sorts of great baby items and help us get our house ready for baby, it really does take a village even before the baby gets here!
- Of course I can't forget the BIG one! I am grateful every day for a healthy baby. We've made it to the third trimester (29 weeks, tomorrow!) and so far so good. M started his new job on Monday, so he couldn't come to my appointment this morning. My mother-in-law came along and in honor of her visit, my doctor offered to do an in-office ultrasound. This was my first ultrasound since week 18, and it was amazing to see our son again after so many weeks! He's definitely growing, wiggling like crazy and as of right now in the correct position (head down). I have to admit it was a bit scary and shocking to see how large his head already looks! Best guess by my doctor is he's between 2.5 and 3 pounds, and he looks to be right on track. After looking today, she decided that it's time to get another round of measurements just to be absolutely certain his growth is on track, but everything looks good to her. M and I will have another sonogram on the big machine in two weeks to take some more accurate measurements, but that's just a precaution after last time. It seems like this pregnancy is completely normal. I've never been so grateful for being ordinary in my life! There are some times when being unique is not just overrated, it's a really big pain! Oh, and we're definitely having a boy! Not that there was any doubt after the last sono, but Baby Graber confirmed it again today.
All things considered, I have a tremendous amount to be grateful for right now, but I do need to relearn how to live in gratitude for those things again rather than wait for the other shoe to drop. I think I'm finally on the right track, but it's taking some time. Your continued thoughts and prayers are always appreciated and give me hope that I will continue relearning gratitude.
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