Time heals...

I think I'm not convinced that time heals all wounds to the point that they are no longer visible, but it does heal. It allows the wound to scab over and eventually scar. For the first few weeks after we lost Faith, I felt like a gaping wound, raw, painful, ugly and visible to everyone around me. Slowly, I began to feel like a wound that had scabbed over. I could face each day without feeling exposed and open, but it really didn't take much to open that wound again, for the raw emotion to surface.

I realized in the days approaching Valentine's Day, a holiday that I generally consider to be a bit ridiculous but somehow still occasionally painful, that my wound has now reached the early stages of scarring, that tender pink skin that is still quite sensitive but which doesn't open at the slightest brush. I still hurt. I still see that pink scar and am reminded of all I've lost. I can face holidays without dread and without expecting to simply survive.

I didn't just survive Valentine's Day. I enjoyed the day! I think I would have enjoyed the day no matter what happened yesterday. It was a beautiful day. I visited with a number of people throughout the day. I ran some errands. I made a fantastic supper (Do you ever surprise yourself by how well something you made turned out? I did that yesterday!). I enjoyed an evening with my husband followed by reminiscing about our childhoods while watching The Goonies. I couldn't have asked for a better day. For the first time in a long time, everything went exactly as I planned. It was just what I needed and a perfect way to experience my first holiday as a newly scarring, wounded person. I suspect that by the time Easter arrives my scar will be slightly thicker, that time will change my scar, and one day all that will be visible will be a thin, white mark, always a part of me, but not the overwhelming, gaping wound that is still so fresh in my mind.