Thursday marked 36 weeks for this pregnancy which takes my total count of weeks pregnant up to 57! I'm so ready to meet this little person. Every day we get a little more ready to welcome him. Yesterday I finished getting a baby blanket ready for him. Unfortunately, you'll all have to wait to see pictures because I appliqued his name on it! Here's a few thoughts on the last weeks of pregnancy.
First, I'm pretty sure that Baby Graber has decided not to come out. Eighteen years from now he'll still be wiggling around in my stomach as I take him off to college! I feel like I've been pregnant forever and as much as my head logically knows Baby Graber will eventually come, I have moments when I'm quite positive he's not coming out!
Second, we've reach the point in this pregnancy where Baby Graber could come anytime and be a perfectly healthy little boy. Each day that goes by gives us less time we'd have to spend in the hospital with him. Realizing that has taken my anxiety level back up. I can't help but thinking how much worse it will be if something happens at this point. I know what can go wrong, and I also know that it's unlikely that any of those things will happen, but my anxiety is still growing. I want so much to watch my son grow up and help him become the person God intends him to be. I know what it's like not to have the chance to do that, and I worry that I won't get the chance with this baby. Trust is hard right now.
Third, I'm actually looking forward to labor and delivery. I am increasingly uncomfortable. I know what labor will be like, but I also know that my doctor will do everything possible to make sure that labor has a very different outcome this time. M seems to be just waiting for me to go into labor and asks frequently how I'm feeling as though that will help us know when this little one will come. My doctor said on Wednesday that she didn't think he'd be coming before our next appointment, so I guess I'm not expecting anything to happen soon, but it's a bit strange to have people watching you so closely!
Fourth, I'm sure my anxiety has been increased in part by the fact that Baby Graber is running out of room to move. In the last couple of weeks, his movements have changed considerably. He just can't get enough momentum going to kick quite the same way. My ribs are grateful, but when he's really quiet for most of the afternoon, I can't help but worry occasionally. All this is apparently normal, but I've been assured over and over by my doctor that I can come in any time and have them check with a fetal movement monitor to be sure he's doing okay. They'd rather have me come in frequently than miss our window to do something if there's anything wrong. (Just to ease your mind as well as mine, he's moving fine right now. Lots of kicks!)
So there you have it! A few thoughts as we head into the last weeks of pregnancy. I am very eager to get the show on the road, but I also don't want to rush a baby who isn't ready into the world. Prayers for patience and trust would be appreciated, and I have to say, there's no way we'd have made it this far without the prayers and support of so many wonderful folks! Thank you!
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