What a week!
My week started out with a bang on Monday when I received the news that my grandpa had had a heart attack and was in the hospital. M was on his way to a job interview while I talked to my mom on the phone and tried to get a little more information about my grandpa's condition. M's interview went well, but my grandpa's condition has been quite a concern for us this week. His doctor recommended bypass surgery and a valve replacement/repair, but Grandpa has decided open heart surgery is not for him, so we have begun the waiting game of saying goodbye. His choice not to have the surgery is unconventional and his doctors really have no idea how much time we have with him. We have been planning a family reunion and 60th wedding anniversary celebration with my grandparents for the week of July 4th for the last two years. We're hoping he makes it that long. His health is fragile, but he seems to be holding his own day by day.
M's interview went so well he was offered and has accepted a job teaching high school American history next year. The decision to take this job was not an easy one because it felt like there was no right or wrong decision. M has been part of a fantastic group of teachers and despite the fact that this past year was not an easy one he will very much miss teaching with this group. He will be returning to teach at his own alma mater which is exciting and we're hoping he finds as much satisfaction in his work there as I have in my church work. I'm sure there will be much anxiety for both of us as he prepares to make this change, but it feels like the right time for this move.
From trying to find ways to celebrate this new opportunity for M to emotional, teary phone calls with my family, this has indeed been a roller coaster of a week! We have also reached the exact point in this pregnancy where we lost Faith in the first pregnancy. Today is twenty-one weeks and two days. Twenty-one weeks and two days into my first pregnancy I was in the hospital for the induction, waiting to deliver our baby girl. Twenty-one weeks and two days into this pregnancy I was awakened by kicks and punches. No matter how I shifted around, he just wouldn't settle back down. I was not going to be able to go back to sleep.
I've been realizing this week that there is something strange and sacred about experiencing the emotions of saying goodbye to a family member while carrying and preparing to bring the next generation into that same family. Because of my late loss in our first pregnancy, this pregnancy is high risk. After our planned trip the first week of July, my doctor has asked me not to travel again for the remainder of the pregnancy. I very much hope that my grandpa is still around for the week of our planned reunion, but I know that seeing him one last time means I most likely will not be able to be at his funeral. I would much rather have a chance to say goodbye face to face, but my heart still hurts knowing that I will be saying my final goodbye from miles away and without my family.
We're still several weeks away from being able to feel the baby move on the outside of my body according to the nurse practitioner at my doctor's office. Knowing that my grandpa most likely will never meet this little guy, we purchased a fetal doppler for listening to his heartbeat this afternoon. I really want to be able to have my grandpa listen to his heartbeat and movements. I want my grandpa to be able to experience his great-grandson the best that he can before he joins his great-granddaughter in heaven. Prayers would be appreciated that we would be able to share this very special experience before we say goodbye!
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