Saying Goodbye...

My grandpa was a wonderful man. From the time I was small, he found ways to bridge the gap between my city upbringing and his farm upbringing. From summer rides on the lawn mower to trips to the sale barn, I'm sure he never quite knew what to do with me especially when I cried because they "beat" the pigs at the sale barn. As I got older, we found we had many more things in common. His pastor's heart loved to discuss what I was learning in my college Bible classes, what books I was reading, recommending books he was reading. It was never an easy thing for him to say he was proud of anyone, he was far too humble, but when I received the phone call that I was the candidate of choice to be the youth pastor at our current church two years ago while we were all on vacation together as a family, he very quietly told me when no one was around that he was proud of me. He was a traditional man who could very easily have chosen not to accept or acknowledge my calling because I am a woman, but I always felt his love, support and complete acceptance.

This past week has been full of mixed emotions. M and I spent the week at camp largely out of range for cell phone service. I was very fortunate to be able to send and receive text messages from one spot in our room at camp and be able to make a couple calls. I spent my week providing input sessions and campfire times for seventy nine and ten year old campers. In between my sessions, I spent time texting or trying to call my mom for reports on Grandpa's condition. It was a strange way to say goodbye and begin letting go, but I am so grateful to have been able to do that. I was able to be part of the journey to the end of his life, part of the process of letting him go even though I was so far away. My mom and her siblings were all able to walk part of the journey with him from his side in the hospital, but only one of his grandchildren was able to be there to say goodbye in person.

Yesterday, M and I sent campers home between nine and ten in the morning. We had lunch with the camp staff and counselors and then headed home. My mom and I were on the phone catching up after a week of garbled conversations due to my week cell phone signal when she received the call from the hospital that Grandpa was gone. A few minutes after we walked in the door, she sent me a text message letting me know. She and her sister had been home less than 24 hours. Yesterday, June 21, was my grandparents' 60th wedding anniversary. I think he waited to achieve that milestone before allowing himself to leave this world for his permanent home.

Since we were all planning to be together starting on June 30 to celebrate their anniversary, my grandma, mom, and her siblings have opted to wait to have his service until we would all have been there anyway. Sometime toward the end of this next week, M and I will be driving to Ohio to join family in saying our final goodbye. After leaving our animals at home alone for the time we were at camp, we've got a wonderful house sitter to keep them company while we're gone this time. They were so happy to see us yesterday, I just don't want to leave them completely alone for that long again!

After almost six years of living so far away from all of my grandparents, I've learned to take full advantage of phone calls and times spent together. It's been nearly two years since I saw my grandpa face to face, but I remember our last hug like it was yesterday. I always make a special note of what those goodbye hugs feel like because I know it could be the last one. I never end a phone conversation unless we've said I love you in case it's the last time I get to say it. This spring, when I called to tell my grandparents we were expecting again, my grandpa was the only one home. We talked for quite a while about all sorts of things, and now I am so grateful for that conversation. Most of our conversations were with both grandparents on at the same time. What a privilege to have had that time alone with him! When I called several weeks ago after a rash of tornadoes in our area, he stayed on just a bit longer than my grandma to say I love you. Moments I'll never forget.

Grandpa, I know you are sitting at the feet of our Savior right now with my baby girl, and I have faith that when my time comes, I will join you there as well. I love you always!