Monday, October 21, 2013

Two Years

Family picture

Two years ago today, Faith joined our family. One year and 10 days ago Niko joined our family. One child in our arms. One child in heaven. Two special miracles that have changed me and continue to shape every day.

Yesterday I preached about grief. For me, preaching about a subject that is largely taboo in our culture today, a subject that continues to be close to my heart, is part of my grieving process. It is how I articulate my theology of grief and grieving. It is one of the ways I open myself to my grief and where I give myself permission to grieve. It is one of the ways I give purpose to my grief.

Today I have heard from several people how meaningful it was for them to share in my story and to be given permission to grieve their own losses. I have talked to those for whom miscarriage is part of their story. I have heard from those for whom the loss is an inability to conceive. I have heard from those who grieve the loss of a dream, who have never before been given permission to grieve for what never was.

Two years...and perhaps the legacy of my daughter is a legacy of listening, of opening space for grief, of learning to recognize grief in its many forms. Perhaps her legacy is in naming grief as part of our journey as followers of Jesus, in making space for the darkness in our faith, in helping us to understand that our anger and pain are not to be feared or hidden away but brought to the foot of the cross as offerings in all their messiness, because the God of Love desires to be welcomed into our hearts even when our hearts seem to us to be the least welcoming place imaginable. It is when our hearts are in pieces or drowning in chaos or darker than the darkest night that we become malleable clay that can be molded into the image of Christ. 

I don't know what the next years will hold but I do know that I want them to hold opportunities for me to continue to hear the stories of others' grief and a vision for how the church can become a more welcoming place for healthy grieving. How do we make space for people to grieve all types of loss? How do we help each other to realize that death is not the only cause of grief? How do we make space for people to grieve for the wishes and dreams and "never was" parts of our lives, because often these are as painful as losing a loved one since these are the things we hold closest to our hearts. And, how do we find the grace to give ourselves permission to grieve with all the messiness and ugliness we need and welcome Jesus into our grief? Because until we find safe ways to grieve and allow others to grieve, we will never fully be able to be the church, God's kingdom on earth.

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